I Just Wanna Be a Mom, Dangit!

I came home exhausted after work on friday and fell asleep around 5:30pm. I only intended to sleep for a few hours, but I accidently slept until 3am. I popped wide awake, and then didn’t know what to do with myself for the rest of the night. It turns out that David was also awake, so we talked for a few hours and then decided to take advantage of the early hours on Saturday morning.

We decided to take a day trip to Mount Rainier and Mount St. Helens. It was a beautiful June morning with clear skies and a sunny forecast. We left so early that we got to Mount Rainier by 8:00am. Interestingly, I’ve never been up close to Rainier like I was today. I’ve lived here all my life, and I’ve never actually been to the mountain. Needless to say, it was breathtaking:

We left Rainier and headed to Mt. St. Helens. I hadn’t been in years, so I was shocked to see how much vegetation had developed since my last visit. It looked more like a baren wasteland that last time I saw the “blast zone”. Now little tree farms are sprawled all across the valley. Supposedly, some of the indigenous creatures are also returning the area and reviving the area’s ecosystem. Pretty cool.

The last stop on our day trip was the most fascinating – Ape Cave. It’s a “lava tube” which is essentially a cave that is formed by lava flows. We didn’t know what to expect, but we were amazed at what we found. Ape Cave is this world’s largest lava tube, consisting of perfectly carved walls that cut deep into the ground. It’s completely dark inside – the darkest dark I’ve ever seen. We brought several flashlights, but it was still a little scary. This place is open to the public, and that surprises me a little bit considering the fact that it remains highly un-maintained. It’s rough terrain inside. No paved paths for people to walk on. No lights. Just rocky floors, water dripping from the ceiling, and complete darkness.

 

I learned something new about myself today. While driving around these beautiful places, I discovered that I really, truly want simplicity in life. I like to talk all big – pretend I want to do “great” ambitious things, but the reality is I just want to get married, have some kids, move to a small town in East King County, and spend the rest of my life homeschooling my kids, writing books, playing the piano, traveling the area, taking photographs, looking through my telescope, and occasionally taking a trip or two overseas. That could be my life forever, and I would feel like the most fortunate person on the planet. Unfortunately, I’m headed towards a life of living and working in skyscrapers – something I’ve learned to hate this summer.

I’ll be completely honest – I pray to God I meet a decent guy in the next 5 years. I don’t like feeling that my future depends on getting married. It makes me feel helpless and out of control, but honestly – it’s just the truth and I can’t deny it. Everything else I do is centered around improving myself, improving my situation, and creating a safety net in case none of this actually happens. Marraige is not a guarantee. I’d be a fool to think God has promised me anything of the sort. I can only hope and pray. If not, I will adapt to whatever else God wants me to do in life.

 Afterall, it’s not all about me.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “I Just Wanna Be a Mom, Dangit!

  1. There’s nothing wrong w/ aspiring to be a mom! Just know it’s a thankless job (until they get older & possilby thank you), but it is rewarding in & of itself.
    People say that you should aspire to do something w/ your life rather than settling for staying at home, but that is the greatest thing you CAN do w/ your life, raise them in the Lord. I hope you meet that special someone soon! 🙂

  2. I believe you are on the right track. Trust in God and He will direct your way. Too many
    times I “chose” and I “justified” why I made the choices. If you have to change your beliefs, or justify anything – it is the wrong person. GOD WILL direct your path – He promises. 🙂

    Being a mother is wonderful and the most difficult job of all. Right now I am heartbroken
    because of bad communication with a son who is 43! Life as a mom is the most challenging job you will ever have (so keep trusting God) and He will answer your prayers, but not always the way you would like it. Didn’t mean to go on.

    You are now bookmarked. I like you! God bless.
    Marsha

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s